Months ago everything inside me ran rampant. My emotions had become unfettered from my soul and depression dragged at me. I hadn’t known peace in months, crushed by the slow dissolution of a relationship I thought would end only in death.
I struggled to find the joy in any given moment and had forgotten how to embrace my zen.
And then, hours after a complete meltdown, I found my center again in a place considered home by many of my newest friends. These are people who had known me only a few days, and who had accepted me shaking, scared, panicked, and unable to think, and who helped me settle. They helped me look inside myself and find my center again. It was, at the time, the smallest point of light within me, not the rock solid sense of self I hoped to find again, but it was enough of me to assure me of the path I was on.
As we watched the sun rise over the lake I felt myself soak in the cold morning air, and I felt the sunshine spark inside me. It was that morning that helped set me on this path, that helped me realize what I was looking for in my trip to Beijing. I wasn’t running away from the pain caused by my ex. I am searching, actively searching, to find myself again because I’d lost sight of who I am.
So, now I sit in a hotel in Beijing, ready to go out and seize every moment, every chance, every adventure, anything that will help me embrace my soul and find a way to never let it go again, even if I let someone else inside me again. And I look back on that morning, and I smile thinking of those people who helped set me on this path.